


A Heavy Heart to Carry

by snowquill



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5 Times, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Spoilers for Season 4, Pining, canon-compliant until it isn't, like so much pining guys, spoilers for seasons 1 to 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 21:12:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12350736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowquill/pseuds/snowquill
Summary: Shiro felt a deep rumbling sound coming from Black. It was filled with the same kind of wonder Shiro felt when he looked at Keith, something warm and affectionate.Yeah buddy, I know, Shiro thought.Alternative title: Five times Shiro wanted to kiss Keith (and one time he did)





	A Heavy Heart to Carry

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is my way of celebrating the release of season 4. Since I haven't watched it yet it obviously won't fit its narative but eh.
> 
> Many thanks to the queues of this year's Gamescom, allowing me to write the first half, as well as the fearless typo hunters [candeloro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/candeloro/profile) and [kawaiibooker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kawaiibooker/pseuds/Kawaiibooker), who proof read this thing to keep the atrocities committed to grammar and spelling to a minimum.  
> In addition, candeloro was the one who kept bugging me to write this and gently whipped me into submission until it was finished. Without her, this probably would've entered the black void of sad unfinished fics(TM). So special thanks for that!

01.

One of the advantages of being an officer was the access to the flight simulators. Shiro loved it. There was nothing better after a stressful day than climbing into the simulator and forgetting about everything for a while. For the duration of the simulation, there was nothing but what was before him. It wasn’t quite as good as actual flying but it was a close second, granting Shiro a similar feeling of belonging like the one he felt in space. And with the Kerberos mission close to entering its final phase of planning, there was a lot on Shiro’s mind to forget about from time to time.

“Another perfect flight, of course,” David, one of Shiro’s fellow officers commented when Shiro climbed out of the simulator. “I tell you, they’re gonna choose you as the pilot for the Kerberos mission.”

“We’ll see about that,” Shiro answered with a smile. Yeah, there was a lot of talk about the possibility of him piloting the mission going on. “You want another go?”

“Nah, I’ll pass. You already saw me crash into a mountain once, my pride can only take so much.” David pointed a thumb behind himself where Claire, another one of their colleagues, was standing. “We wanted to grab some dinner. You coming with us?”

“No, sorry. I actually promised to let Keith practice in the simulator. He should be here any minute.”

David and Claire shared a look Shiro couldn’t decipher.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Claire answered. “It’s just cute how nice you are to your fanboy.”

“My … Keith is my friend.”

His colleagues snickered.  
“I don’t mean this in a bad way,” David started, making Shiro think he didn’t mean it in a particularly good way either, “but come on, that guy has been following you like a puppy from day one!”

“Boy’s got a crush on you, is what he wants to say,” Claire explained when it was clear Shiro didn’t quite get what David was implying.

“… what.”

“No, seriously. You must have noticed something. The whole Garrison does!”David continued. “Little antisocial hothead is all withdrawn and mean – but with you, he’s like a puppy!”

Claire nodded. “I bet he has Keith Shirogane written all over his notebooks. And –“

“Okay, that’s enough!” Shiro interrupted them, more forcefully than he had intended. Claire and David looked surprised by his outburst, looking at each other uncomfortably.

“Eh, sorry. Didn’t mean to offend, bro,” David mumbled. Shiro looked away and nodded silently. He considered apologising to them but his throat felt too tight. The awkward silence between them stretched until it was suddenly interrupted by the sound of the door sliding open. If Keith was surprised to see Claire and David with Shiro, he didn’t show it. He simply nodded in passing and raised an eyebrow at them, probably sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere in the room. He didn’t say anything, however, until after they had left the room.

“What was that?”

Shiro shrugged. He hated lying. “I guess they were sulking because I wiped the floor with them.”

“Oh? So what’s your record today, then?” Keith looked at the score board and scoffed. “Ridiculous. Prepare yourself to be beaten spectacularly.”

“Oh yeah?” Shiro chuckled. In truth, he didn’t think it unlikely Keith would break his record today. It wasn’t even close to his personal best and Keith was getting better with every day. It would only be a matter of time until he surpassed Shiro. Shiro couldn’t wait for that day. With Keith, the Garrison had an exceptional pilot who would allow them to fly different, even more complicated missions.

“Remember, patience yields focus.” Shiro stepped behind the pilot’s seat Keith was sitting on. He placed his hands on the other’s shoulders and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Keith mumbled, distracted by the start of the simulation.

Shiro’s hands lingered on Keith’s shoulders for another moment, simply feeling their warmth and how Keith’s muscles moved as he steered his simulated ship. But then Shiro released Keith and stepped to the side to not distract him from the simulation. As impressive as watching the simulated ship dive through the map was, nothing compared to watching Keith fly, his dark eyes focused, alive with a kind of passion few people knew he possessed. His whole body seemed to become one with the ship, moving gracefully in sync with it. Shiro didn’t need to watch the screen when he saw everything reflected in Keith every moment mirrored in his body, every emotion so raw on his face. It was something Shiro found he couldn’t take his eyes off.

While he was watching, he remembered his colleagues teasing him about Keith’s supposed crush on him. Shiro knew about that rumour, had know for quite some time, actually. The thought caused his chest to tighten as he felt that fluttering sensation he had become so familiar with when seeing Keith. The one which made him want to step towards Keith and wrap his arms around him, made him want to run his fingers through the other’s soft hair and kiss that smug grin right off his face.

The thing about that rumour wasn’t that it was all wrong – it was that everyone got it the wrong way round.

 

+.+.+.

 

02.

As Shiro went to his quarters he felt something he hadn’t felt in a while – nervousness. He guessed it was only logical. It was the evening before the Kerberos mission started, less than 19 hours before take-off. What had been theory for the long time it took preparing the mission suddenly was very real and it all hit him with the force of a cargo ship. This was his last night on earth. The last time he would see the night sky from earth, the last night to breathe in the fresh desert air around him and not the recycled oxygen in their ship. He told himself that he would return eventually, that he would experience all of this again, that this mission was what he had dreamt of for so long. Still, he was unable to focus his mind the way he was used to. Less than 19 hours. One night. One briefing.

Shiro took a deep breath.

He probably shouldn’t have been surprised to see Keith waiting for him in front of the building where the officers’ quarters were located. Usually, Shiro would tease the other that it was past lights out but the look on Keith’s face made him stop.

They hadn’t seen each other since Shiro went to see his family ten days ago to say goodbye. Even after returning, Keith had been strangely absent from Shiro’s side, something even his colleagues had picked up on. They had exchanged three texts over that time and Keith’s messages had been as curt as his speech could be.

Shiro knew Keith was angry with him for leaving. After Shiro had been announced as the pilot for the Kerberos mission, the other had avoided him for a week. Things had went back to normal after that, and Shiro knew Keith had done his best to be supportive but he was hardly good at masking his emotions. They had mostly ignored the issue until now. It reminded Shiro of the way he had ignored his nervousness. It was debatable how successful either of them were.

“Hey,” Keith greeted him, his face unreadable.

“Hey,” Shiro answered as he moved to swipe his card through the reader by the door. He didn’t ask Keith to come up, knowing the other would follow him.

Quietly, they walked up the stairs to Shiro’s room. It was still early so they didn’t meet anyone else on their way. The silence between persisted, even after they had entered Shiro’s room. Shiro knew he should say something, hell, he wanted to say something. He just wasn’t sure what to say. What was there even to say to your closest friend who you were about to leave for a year? Especially when said friend wasn’t all that okay with it. Shiro considered apologising but decided against it. It would be hypocritical of him; even leaving Keith behind didn’t change the fact that he was thrilled about this mission. He had never even considered rejecting the offer when it had been made and they both knew it.

“You took your stuff home?” Keith asked as he notcied the empty shelves in Shiro’s room with more interest than they really warranted.

“Most of it. I kept what I’ll need during the first few days after we return. No need to keep the rest here.”  
Also, there was always the chance the mission went wrong and they wouldn’t return. It was nothing Shiro worried too much about, it was simply a possibility every member of the Garrison lived with. Unforeseen events occurred, accidents happened. It was reasonable to be prepared. Like this, his family would be spared having to clean out his room should he not return. All that was left was one duffel bag. He also had updated his will, even if he wouldn’t exactly leave much. Everything would go to his family, although he did include a paragraph asking that his scooter was to be given to Keith. It was sentimental but it wasn’t like Keith knew. And Shiro hoped he would never find out. But when he thought about Keith he would always remember him soaring through the dessert, would remember how alive and bright his eyes had been every time they stole away from the Garrison together. He remembered the way Keith’s hair flew in the breeze as the landscape zipped past them, the look of unbound joy on his face he so rarely allowed anyone to see.

Keith tended to feel caged, becoming agitated when he was inside the Garrison with its many rules for too long. It was why he tossed his scooter’s keys towards the other. “Feel free to take her for a ride.” Keith didn’t need to know about the worst case, anyway. “If you get permission to leave the Garrison,” he added, which was met with an eyeroll. As they never obtained official permission for Keith to leave before, his request probably fell on deaf ears. But seeing as his superiors were all too happy to leave Shiro to deal with everything concerning Keith, he had kind of interpreted it as implied permission.

“If you use my scooter to sneak off I’m the one who’ll get an earful when I return!”  
Keith laughed weakly, tensing visibly at the implication of Shiro leaving. It was … it wasn’t pleasant.

“You gonna be there tomorrow?” Shiro asked after a pause.

“Everyone’s gonna be there.” Shiro took that as a yes. “Look”, Keith added. “I’m really happy for you, okay? I am. It’s just …”

“Goodbyes suck?”

Keith grimaced. “… yeah.”

“But maybe I’ll bring something really nice back for you?” Shiro asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Keith’s eyebrows rose in doubt. “Space ice? I’m thrilled.”

“Hey! We are travelling 4 billion miles for that. The Holts are excited.”

Keith scoffed. 

“At least, this mission will give you some new stories to tell. Your old ones were getting kind of old.”

“Ouch. Shouldn’t you be supportive?” Shiro shoved Keith’s shoulder playfully, all too glad the weird silence between them was broken.

“Nah. Everyone’s doing that, I’m special.” Keith shoved him back but Shiro caught his hand before he could do so. They tussled briefly, shoving each other without any of the focus their sparring matches involved.

“You realise you will get one of the director’s speeches?” Keith asked while ducking away from Shiro’s hand.

“Don’t remind me,” Shiro groaned. Their director’s speeches were infamous for how melodramatic and over the top they were.

Keith snickered, pleased with the pained look on Shiro’s face. “You did just tell me you wanted support!”

“That’s not – hey!” Shiro yelled as Keith used his momentary distraction to push past his hands and mercilessly poke his sides.

“Takashi Shirogane. The shining star and pride of the Garrison. Unparalleled in his abilities and admired by his peers and superiors alike, a beacon of hope – hmph!” Shiro forwent trying to get Keith’s fingers to stop poking him and went to directly covering Keith’s mouth with one of his hands. He felt the other laughing against his palm, his breath warm as it brushed Shiro’s fingers. He couldn’t help but chuckle as well. If their laughter had a bit of a hysterical edge to it, no one mentioned it.  
When Keith held up his hands in mock surrender Shiro removed his. 

Keith looked beautiful, colour high on his cheeks, a soft smile so rarely seen on his face. The sudden pang of want making his heart clench was sudden and painful. God, but he wanted to kiss him. He was going to leave for a year and he was going to miss Keith so much and he just –

“I’ll miss you”, Keith mumbled. He had stopped smiling and averted his eyes, looking at their feet instead of Shiro’s face.

It made that knot in Shiro’s chest hurt sharply. He thought about cupping Keith’s face and pressing his lips to the other’s, about kissing Keith’s forehead and his flushed cheeks. But it wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Shiro would leave tomorrow and this was too important to blindly rush into something either one might regret. Keith was too important for that.

Instead, Shiro pulled Keith to his chest, wrapping both arms around him and hugging him tightly. They rarely ever hugged and this was a lot more intimate than anything they usually did. But the way Keith clung to him in return told Shiro that it was okay. Having Keith against him like this helped soothing the raw ache inside Shiro.

“I will miss you too”, Shiro answered as he buried his face in Keith’s hair.

+.+.+.

03.

 

He was back on earth. Shiro didn’t know how or why but … he was back. One minute he had been in a spaceship, fleeing from whoever had captured him and the next, he had looked into Keith’s face – one of the faces he had never expected to see again. It was enough to calm the initial rush of panic Shiro had felt upon waking. The thing was, he couldn’t even name what he had expected to see instead, some unnamed shadow lurking at the edges of his mind, filling his subconscious with dread. Instead, he got Keith’s soft voice and gentle touch, an emotion Shiro couldn’t quite read shimmering in his eyes. It soothed the sharp edges of anxiety Shiro felt like teeth ripping through him. Until Keith moved for what Shiro guessed was going to be a hug.

He tensed and Keith pulled back immediately. The flash of hurt in his face was unmistakeable and Shiro wanted to apologise, pull him into his arms because he was glad to see him again. But he could barely breathe with how tight his chest felt, a sharp sense ofpanic rising in him he couldn’t explain. This was _Keith_. There was no reason to feel as threatened as Shiro did right now.

“Sorry, I – uh”, Keith mumbled and Shiro’s heart broke. Even if he remembered little from however long he had been abducted, he ached with how much he missed Keith. He wished he could shake off the terror he felt but his mind wouldn’t obey.

“If you want to change”, Keith offered and pointed at a duffle bag sitting beside the cot Shiro sat on. It was the very duffle bag Shiro had left at the Garrison before leaving for the Kerberos mission.

“I’ll go check on the others.” Keith visibly hesitated before he briefly clapped Shiro on the shoulder and then ducked under the curtain separating the alcove with the cot from the rest of the room.  
Shiro changed quickly and then stepped outside for a moment.

There, it was quiet. No muffled voices adding to the white noise in Shiro’s head. It was easier to breathe here, too, without walls around him. The dim inside of the shack had reminded him of a dark prison cell. Here, there was nothing but the vast expanse of the desert, the soft light of dawn bathing everything in a warm orange glow. He had missed this. He remembered the everlasting blackness of space, the dull artificial light of his cell.

It worried Shiro how little he remembered about the Kerberos mission and what had followed. His memories of everything before the mission were untouched: their flight to Kerberos, Saturn’s beauty, the far-away light of Uranus as they approached their destination.  
But everything after their arrival on Kerberos was vague. He knew nothing but the basic facts: He was abducted by aliens, he was imprisoned, he escaped. They were coming to earth.  
Mr. Holt and Matt were in some memories until they were not and it scared Shiro. He didn’t recall seeing them die but it was little solace when he knew that somewhere in the depths of space, his friends were still imprisoned.

Shiro looked down at his right hand which opened with a slight mechanical whirring sound. He knew he had gotten that arm at some point but his mind came up blank when he tried to recall details. There were bits and pieces, fighting and screaming – his own, mixed with the pained cries of others – but it was all a mess in his head.

How long had he even been gone?

Shiro looked back at the shack he had woken up in. His red scooter stood before it and it managed to make Shiro smile despite knowing that this meant he had been pronounced dead. He didn’t want to think about how his family and Keith must have felt . He wasn’t even sure whether the Garrison knew about the abduction. It would explain why Keith was out there looking for him. Refusing to give up was a very Keith thing to do.

At least, Keith wasn’t alone. Shiro had heard at least two more voices from behind the curtain. So whatever the other had pulled, at least he had some friends to help him. It seemed odd but … things had changed, he guessed. He certainly had changed – the scars on his body were witness to that as well at his arm …

A warm hand touched his shoulder and this time, Shiro didn’t tense. He felt calmer now and could appreciate the gesture for its familiarity. It was good to be with Keith again. He was the person he had expected to see the least but the one he needed the most. Even if shadows were clawing at his mind, in the end, even they couldn’t touch the bond he and Keith shared. Shiro knew there would be questions, questions he would not be able to answer. For now, he simply enjoyed feeling something else than panic.

He turned his head to look at Keith, drinking in his sight like he didn’t have the chance to before. Keith’s hair was a bit longer than before but otherwise, he was pretty much just as Shiro remembered him. He felt his heart beating faster as he watched the morning sun on Keith’s face, saw how it accentuated the other’s cheekbones and lips.

Ah, so that hadn’t changed either. 

“It’s good to have you back”, Keith said.

“It’s good to be back”, Shiro answered. Never had he meant something as much as this.

 

+.+.+.

 

04.

Shiro sat slumped against a rock, holding his side as he regarded the horizon. The Black and Red Lion stood behind them, silent but for the occasional brush against Shiro’s mind which told him that Black was very much _there_ , a reassuring presence at his back.

Only when Keith excused himself to go looking for something to start a fire with did Shiro dare to look at the other. Worry was written all over his body. It was obvious from the stiff way he held his shoulders, how he pressed his lips together, how overly focused he was on what he did. _Patience yields focus_ , Shiro remembered Keith saying to himself. He could very well imagine that Keith kept repeating it to himself in his head in some attempt to stay calm. Keith didn’t like feeling helpless,he was a man of action. But right now, there was absolutely nothing they could do.

Keith had said his life would have been so much different without Shiro in it. Shiro wondered whether the other realised that this feeling was mutual.

Did he ever tell Keith how much he had changed Shiro’s life for the better? Shiro actually wasn’t sure, the pain in his side making it hard to think. There was so much he never told Keith because a lot of what he wanted to say was too close to that one thing he absolutely did not want Keith to know. Shiro’s ill-advised feelings were a burden to him, they would be even more of a burden to Keith.

Feeling like this felt familiar,this numbing pain mixed with helplessness. He remembered being in pain, staring at the dark violet ceiling of some room on the Galra prison ship. It must have been shortly after he got the prosthesis, maybe? He felt he wouldn’t make it. It wasn’t the first time he had been sure he would die on that Galra ship and like every time before that, his thoughts wandered back to every person he wouldn’t ever see again. His parents, his brother, his friends and colleagues.

Keith.

Shiro had little regrets, he knew he had prepared everything for the worst case scenario. But he realised that there was a difference between being prepared and being ready.

And so he had allowed himself the pointless yearning he felt. How he wished to see his family again, see his brother graduate, send one last message to his friends. And how he had wished to kiss Keith at least once. Back on earth, he had sworn to himself, he would carry that secret to the grave.  
Another empty phrase.

The memory made his stomach clench, although he told himself it was simply the wound spreading over his abdomen.

 _God_ , he wanted to kiss Keith so badly.

The relief washing over Shiro when he had heard Keith’s voice over the communicator, the hope he had felt when he knew the other had been on his way to save him … Shiro knew he could never thank him enough for everything he did for him.  
He remembered the awe he had felt when he saw Black protecting him, when he realised that it was _Keith_ piloting his Lion.

Later, when he sat in the cockpit as Keith flew them over to where Red waited, he had felt a deep rumbling sound coming from Black. It was filled with the same kind of wonder Shiro felt when he looked at Keith, something warm and affectionate.  
_Yeah buddy, I know_ , Shiro had thought, relishing in the warm feeling Black projected back at him.

Shiro started when he felt Keith sitting down next to him, close enough that their shoulders were touching. Shiro had been so spaced out he hadn’t noticed the other coming over. The wound was pulsing more with every minute and Shiro … Shiro remembered thinking about regrets and a Garrison’s advisor telling him to prepare for “the worst case”.

 _Leave no regrets_ , Shiro thought. _Make sure things are prepared._

“Thanks for saving me.”  
Most important things first. It was Keith, it was always Keith.  
There was so much more he wanted to say but it was sufficient.

“You’d have done the same for me”, Keith answered with certainty, his voice gentle like it rarely got. “How’s your wound?”

“My wound’s great. It’s getting bigger all the time.” It came out a lot bitterer than he had intended. Shiro winced. “Just trying to lighten the mood.” The way Keith’s face fell told him he hadn’t succeeded.

“Hang in there. When Allura and Coran find us, they’ll fix you right up.”  
Stubborn Keith, refusing to give up even now. The same stubbornness which had gotten him booted from the Garrison and driven him to search for Shiro for a whole year when there was next to no proof he still was alive. All the more reason for Shiro to not burden Keith with his silly feelings.

But that wasn’t what he was trying to say, anyway. There was something more important.

“Keith, if I don’t make it out of here … I want you to lead Voltron.” 

 

+.+.+.

 

05.

Keith found him. Of course, Keith found him.

Even when floating through space without any clue as to where he was, Keith somehow found him. It was enough to make even someone as pragmatic as Shiro think about fate and predestination. Even if that fate definitely wasn’t in Keith’s favour but in Shiro’s.

He wondered how many times more Keith would have to save him. And how much it would eventually cost him one day.

When Shiro opened his eyes again after a blessedly dreamless sleep, Allura was at his bedside. She still had the look of relief and happiness on her face Shiro had seen on everyone’s when he returned. As much as was lost in a haze due to his lack of food, drink or rest he still recalled that one detail distinctly. His chest hurt with how affectionate Keith looked when he helped him out of his space ship. It was a shame the armour prevented him from feeling Keith’s warmth but just knowing the other was there was enough to soothe the fear which had gripped him the moment he had realised that this might very well be his end.

He also remembered the other paladins storming to greet him as he sat down on a stretcher someone had rolled in. He got one of Hunk’s famous bear hugs and Coran or Lance cried onto him a bit. It was enough to allow him to finally sink into sleep without the fear of never waking up again.

“How are you feeling?” Allura asked as she handed him a glass of water.

Sipping it in careful mouthfuls, Shiro thought about what to answer. Physically, he was quite well, all things considered. He still felt exhausted but the wound on his chest was healing nicely thanks to Altean medicine. It was certainly not his body which had taken the most damage.  
But there were more important things right now and no need to worry about only one person when the lives of million were at stake.

What were a couple of more demons to him. He would be fine.

“Better”, he finally answered. Not a lie. “How is everyone?”

“We’re fine. Everyone is really glad that you are back. We were worried.”

“I’m sorry … and I’m glad to be back as well. What happened when I was gone?”

“Ah, quite a lot. But you should rest some more. We’ll have plenty of time to go over everything later”, Allura said with a tone that allowed no protest. 

The hissing sound of the door sliding open interrupted whatever Allura was going to add. Shiro felt how warmth spread through him when he saw that Keith had come to see him. From the look of it, he hadn’t expected to see Shiro awake. But the look of surprise on his face was quickly replaced by fondness and the soft smile Shiro loved to see so much.  
Allura looked between them and then stood up and excused herself. With the final demand for Keith to make sure Shiro rested she left the room. The moment the door slid closed, Keith took three large steps and all but flung himself at Shiro, tackling him to the bed.

Shiro coughed, both due to the sudden weight on him and the arms wrapped thightly around his neck.  
“Keith”, he chuckled breathlessly and shifted so he could sit up. It was unusual for Keith to be so … aggressive with his affection but Shiro certainly didn't mind having the other pressed against him like this. It felt nice, holding him, wrapping his arms around him and all but melting into him. It was unlike any hug they had shared before and for once, with Keith hanging onto him for dear life, Shiro didn’t think about making sure Keith didn't find out about his true feelings for him: not letting his hands linger too long, not brushing over Keith’s cheeks or his jaw, not kissing his neck. He opted for burying his nose in Keith’s neck and simply taking deep breaths.

“Shiro, I haven’t showered in like two days. I probably smell like death”, Keith warned him, his voice muffled against Shiro’s shoulder. Shiro could feel Keith’s voice resonating in his chest. It was nice.

“No”, he answered. “You smell like home.”

Keith’s whole body tensed in answer but before Shiro could ask what was wrong Keith began to shiver.

“You can’t –“ he rasped, his breath coming in huge gasps. “You can’t keep doing that!”

“… I’m sorry.”

“It is not your fault!” Keith’s fingers were digging so hard into Shiro’s skin it was bordering on painful. “I just – I’m glad you are back.”

“Me too, Keith. Me too”, Shiro answered as he held Keith as tightly as he dared, letting the other claw his sorrow into his skin. 

 

+.+.+.

 

\+ 01.

Their next mission was going to be a tough one and they all knew it. Their plan of attack on the Galra outpost heavily involved the help of the local rebel group but they had gone radio silent two hours ago. It was possible they had switched off their communicators as they assumed their positions to not be detected. But it was equally possible something had gone awfully wrong. Their hastily drawn up plan B was mediocre at best. Nothing one should fight the Galra with. But it was today or not at all as a majority of the fleet had been sent to a neighbouring planet due to the discovery of natural resources there. It would take them valuable time to answer a distress call, making the number of ships they had to fight at one time significantly smaller. 

But with a plan of attack as riddled with holes as theirs, it made having to stay in the castle even worse for Shiro than usual. There was only so much he could do from here and while he trusted his friends and their abilities … he also worried for them.

Being unable to actively do something was unpleasant. He wondered whether that was how Keith had felt when he heard of the Kerberos mission failing or when he found the cockpit of the Black Lion empty after the fight with Zarkon. It was an unsettling thought, stirring a myriad of feelings in him which he would have preferred to ignore until the mission was over. Like this, he couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering to Keith again and again, wondering.

It reminded him of the times he thought he would never see Keith again and of the regret burning in him. It was only then that he had admitted to himself that he would have liked to be selfish for once and tell Keith how he felt. To kiss him just once. All the resolve he talked himself into had been gone in those moments, leaving nothing but regret, regret, regret.

It was what made Shiro speak up the moment the paladins turned to leave for their lions.  
“Keith, wait!” he said louder than he had intended, gaining him raised eyebrows from the whole team. “Uh. A word? It won’t be long.”

Keith shrugged. “Go on without me”, he told his team. “I’ll be there in a minute.” He waited until both the paladins and Coran had left the room and then looked up at Shiro.

God, he looked so determined Shiro found himself hesitating because this was right before an important battle, he couldn’t just –

But then he thought about the bitter taste of regret in his mouth, of things unfinished and Keith shivering against him as they clung to each other for dear life.

It was what moved him to grab Keith’s shoulders as he bent down slightly to crash his lips against the other’s.

Distantly, Shiro heard Keith’s helmet hit the ground before his shirt was roughly grabbed as Keith pulled him even closer. They fumbled until Shiro had both arms wrapped around Keith’s waist and Keith’s arms were slung around Shiro’s neck. It helped them slide their lips together, their noses brushing as they kissed again and again. Keith opened his lips to deepen the kiss and sighed into it when Shiro all but melted against him.

For a long moment, everything around them was forgotten … that was, until a shriek made them part hastily. But it was only Lance, his eyes as big as saucers. His surprise only lasted a moment before he broke into a broad grin, however.

“Don’t mind me, just forgot my helmet”, he explained with an exaggerated waggle of his eyebrows. “I’d say something like _But Shiro! Keith! We have a war to fight!_ but being a fine connaisseur of the art of loving, I shall be lenient.”

“Lance …” Keith warned, sounding positively murderous.

“No, no. You do your thing. Have your important talk.”

Shiro placed a hand on Keith’s shoulder to hold him back from strangling Lance. The furious blush on Keith’s cheeks looked quite cute, however it really wasn’t the moment to bring that up.

From the Lion’s hangar they could hear Lance loudly singing: “Shiro and Keith, sitting in a tree …” – and there was no holding back Keith now.

Shiro stepped into the hangar after him, feeling himself blush when three pairs of eyes looked at him quizzically.

“Weren’t we’re all doomy and gloomy just a second ago?” Hunk asked, looking at Keith who had finally gotten a hold of Lance.  
Pidge gave Shiro a quick thumbs up before turning back to her laptop, waving Hunk back over to look over something with her.

“Yeah, right. Yay et cetera. But we’re kinda busy right now?” Hunk explained.

“Save planet first, act surprised later”, Pidge added around the pencil in her mouth.

Shiro didn’t quite catch what Allura said but it was something about “weird romantic customs” before she went off to save Lance from Keith.

Shiro buried his face in his hands and groaned. There was still that lingering fear in him, the uncertainty of what tomorrow would bring, the weight of the burden they carried as the paladins of Voltron. But underneath it all, just for this moment, Shiro felt good, really really good.

 

 

 

 

(That was until Coran offered his romantic advice via the castle’s speaker system.)

 

(Shiro declined.)

 

(But he caught Keith’s smile before he entered the Black Lion and while it couldn’t erase his worries, it was good enough for now.)


End file.
